I’m Date-able. Where is My Date?

Being a Single Woman on the East Coast, I Need a Drink.


1. I have a quick wit
2. I rather go off the beaten path, than be a tourist
3. I won’t swear around your family
4. I’ve never been Punk’d
5. If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair
6. I come with an extended warranty
7. I’ll grant you three wishes
8. I’ll buy you a lap dance
9. I didn’t vote for George Bush
10. I want to take a road trip to diners, drive-ins, and dives on the East Coast.
11. I always stop to pet dogs when I walk through the park
12. I could play Roulette for 24 hours without sleep
13. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm
14. I’ll let you push me on the swings
15. I’ll try anything at least once
16. I’ll stash little notes for you where you’ll least expect them
17. We’ll make history together
18. I stand up for my taxi rights
19. Sleeping alone just sucks…. period!
20. There isn’t anything I feel I can’t tell you
21. I won’t treat you like a shrink
22. I won’t make you wear lame sweaters when we go to family Christmas parties
23. You’ll love my dorkiness
24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up
25. You’re magically delicious
26. I suck at strip poker
27. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving/texting/walking
28. All I can offer you is all of my lasts
29. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone
30. If you wash the car with me I promise to wear a white T-shirt for you
31. I’ll make you Frito Pie
32. I won’t bite unless you want me to
33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning if we’re doing it together
34. I’ll circle your birthday on my calendar
35. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching t.v.
36. I’m not catty
37. I need someone to kick my ass in gear at times. You know you’re up for it.
38. I’ll lick the envelope for you
39. I know how to country dance and I can teach you
40. I’ll let you sneak a taste when I’m cooking
41. I know CPR
42. I’m likely to have a different hair color every time you see me
43. I’ve been in a flash mob and it went viral.
44. I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I love to walk the line ya know)
45. I’ll make you laugh
46. I’ve never been in one of Tommy Lee’s movies
47. I’ll never under cook the eggs
48. I’ll never drink your last beer
49. I’ll never drink crap beer
50. I can make a mean pot of chili
51. I’ll pretend I didn’t see you look at that chick with the big boobs
52. I’ll always be impressed with how strong you are
53. I know that handcuffs aren’t just for the cops
54. I recycle
55. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop
56. I won’t steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet
57. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick
58. I’ll make fun of you
59. I can give a kick ass back rub
60. I haven’t been a house guest of O.J. Simpson
61. I like porn
62. I can’t stand soap operas
63. I don’t care if you leave the seat up
64. I pump my own gas
65. I don’t give a shit if I break a nail
66. I can bake scones
67. I don’t chew tobacco
68. I take a shower every day
69. I like it when you pull my hair
70. I’ll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you’re going down)
71. I don’t care that you go out with the boys
72. I don’t eat crackers in bed
73. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard
74. I can’t stand the mall
75. I don’t care what music we listen to in the car, as long as you let me sing
76. I’ve never eaten a truffle in my life
77. When you wash the dishes it turns me on
78. I have a big butt and I am proud of it
79. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
80. I’ll save everything you ever give me
81. I won’t ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
82. You just can’t stop reading this!
83. I always use my nails to scratch a lottery ticket
84. I know where to put in the oil, and have even done it
85. I’ll think you’re just about the coolest person I know
86. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date
87. When Hell calls back Justin Bieber, we will celebrate
88. I like sitting by the windows and watching people while I’m at work
89. I’ve never been on Americas Most Wanted
90. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.
91. I know how to make a fire
92. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue
93. I’ve got secret tattoos
94. My kisses will take your breath away
95. I don’t care if you leave your socks on
96. I can’t stand John Mayer
97. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone
98. My weird habits you’ll find adorable
99. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you
100. I’d fuck Angelina Jolie too
101. I’ll thank you every time you open the door
102. I’ll never waste your love
103. I’ll laugh at every joke even when it’s not funny (but only in public – when we’re alone I’ll tell you if it’s not funny)
104. I’d never give you shit in front of your friends
105. It gets better every time
106. Use as much salt as you want I don’t care
107. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
108. I’ll help you find your keys
109. I don’t nag if you don’t stop and ask for directions, I’ll just demand you pull over and let me drive
110. I don’t have a big brother, so you don’t have to worry about getting your ass kicked ever
111. We can watch your movie first
112. I don’t need batteries
113. I once ate haggis, and liked it
114. I eat red meat
115. I’ll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
116. I’ll always have smooth legs
117. I like it when my hair gets messed up
118. I used to be able to put my feet behind my neck
119. My family is just as fucked up as yours
120. I don’t want to get married any time soon
121. I like horror movies
122. I smell pretty good (Kind of citrusy and pina-coladaee)
123. I don’t litter
124. When I can I give to the arts
125. I can be ready in 20 minutes or less
126. I lose at arm wrestling every time
127. I look both ways before I cross the street
128. I never look directly into the sun
129. I’ll look cute in your shirt
130. I’m not a virgin
131. You’re hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
132. I won’t ever leave makeup on your shoulder
133. I’ve never hung a pair of panty hose on the shower rack in my life
134. I like it when you call me a whore in bed
135. I can balance a check book
136. I’ll help you not to forget your moms birthday
137. I would never yell “fire” in a crowded theatre
138. I’m really good at sneaking food into the movies
139. I was the second grade spelling bee champ
140. I’ll never say ‘nothings wrong’ when there really is
141. I know how to hold my own hair back when I get sick
142. I’ve never cried over spilt milk
143. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
144. I can count to 100 by 5’s
145. I’ve never smuggled drugs out of the country
146. I don’t care if you eat dinner without a shirt
151. I think it’s hot when you masturbate
147. I never overload the washer
148. What else have you got to do?
149. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes
150. I’ve never auditioned for American Idol
151. I don’t eat yellow snow
152. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed
153. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life
154. My chin fits ‘just right’ in your shoulder when you hold me close
155. I’ll understand if you get jealous
156. I’m just that good
157. I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton
158. You’re getting very sleepy…
159. I’ve never been on Jerry Springer
160. I may have already won $10,000,000.
161. You won’t be able to get me out of your head
162. I know that sticks are better than automatics
163. I’ll let you drive every time if you want
164. I love the city on Sunday mornings
165. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
166. Flowers will get you laid every time
167. I’ve never gotten caught lip synching on SNL
168. I have a $3.24 credit at PayLess Shoes
169. I never leave the engine running while I’m pumping gas
170. I never run with scissors
171. I’ve taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won
172. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top
173. I know how to keep a secret
174. If you spell something wrong I just think it’s cute
175. I’ve never failed a survey
176. I can almost every time find Waldo
177. I never put my fingers in the light socket
178. I’m an Aquarius
179. I have all my shots
180. It’s okay, I don’t really expect you to last longer than 10 minutes anyways
181. I’m pretty damn funny
182. I’m not a doctor and I’ve never played one on t.v. either
183. I don’t care if you eat off my plate
184. None of my friends are guys I used to have sex with
185. When you’re sleeping I’ll always try to be quiet
186. I don’t like manscaping
187. I know the difference between they’re, their, and there
188. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
189. I know how to get stains out of t-shirts
190. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time

Big Props to Garrett without whom I couldn’t copy anything and add my own.

So, if you’re single and have 190 reason why you shouldn’t be, email me. Maybe we have a few things in common.


2 thoughts on “I’m Date-able. Where is My Date?

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