“I meant my ancestors, I will call into the past, far back to the beginning of time and beg them to come and help me at the judgment. I will reach back and draw them into me, and they must come, for at this moment I am the whole reason they have existed at all.” Amistad
I love that quote.
It defines my actions. My personality. My being.
Last year, I reconnected with my father after 20 years. The back story is long, sad, and disappointing. When we met, I realized or discovered really, even after all the lost and important years….I am more like him than I imagined.
I am my father’s daughter.
Originally, it did not sit well with me, I was depressed and disappointed that a man who was a complete stranger to me, who I was so confused and angry about, actually shared with me many personality characteristics and quirks that I really liked about myself and I believed set me apart from everyone.
I try to focus on what I like about my dad when I talk to him. His obsession with music, his appreciation of sci-fi, both of which I picked up on and enjoy immensely…but that’s really it. So, I look past my father and past his father’s father and into his parents and siblings, hoping that I may share something of them as well. That maybe my life will not be in vain. My life will be the reason my ancestors lived and made a life through their experiences. Not to say, my life is better or even more amazing….I simply do not want to disappoint my ancestors. Why do we live and shape our life events, if not to give to the next generation our experiences and the motivation to WANT to pursue their own path?
For the past five Saturdays, I have watched, “Who Do You Think You Are”, a show about finding your heritage. I am emotionally and mentally pulled each time I watch the show. I have decided to open an account with ancestry.com and pull the fam into filling in the blanks of where I come from. The irony of it all? I don’t think I’ll get much information from my fathers side. My mother’s side loves family connections and history, so I’m sure they’ll pull through.